I'm Not Obsessed, I'm Just Very Dedicated
by WeAretheStarlight
Summary: Lucas Gottesman: Unpopular, awkward, nerdy. Hanna Marin: Popular, confident, charismatic. Lucas has a crush on Hanna (okay, an obsession), and can't tell her his feelings (How DO you tell someone you want to breathe the same air as them...Forever?). Can Lucas win the heart of one of Rosewood High's finest without driving her away? Season 1 AU.
1. The Only Thing On My Mind Is You

**A/N: For this story, each chapter will be inspired by a song...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or any of the songs/lyrics used.**

_This chapter was inspired by the song "Untouched" by The Veronicas._

* * *

If Lucas was in a drooling battle with a Saint Bernard, he definitely would've won. His blood pounded in his ears, and he stood frozen at his locker as if his Converse sneakers were fixed to the spot. He couldn't tear his eyes from the end of the hallway, where crowds of students began to disperse as they made room for the most popular girls at Rosewood High:

Alison DiLaurentis, Emily Fields, Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings, and...Hanna Marin.

Oh Hanna. A glimpse of the stunning blonde lagging after the others was enough to render Lucas' body useless. She appeared to be approaching him in slow motion; her full hips swaying, her luscious long hair billowing out behind her, her glossy lips in a tight line, her brilliant blue eyes observant. She was picture perfect, and it took everything in Lucas' power not to take out his camera to capture such a moment.

Hanna gave a faint smile to someone in the hall, and Lucas thought he was going to pass out. Ugh. How is her every action so cute? A part of him wanted to run over to Hanna, despite the crowd, and kiss that smile, tasting her lip gloss, tangling his hands through her hair, tracing the curves of her body with his hands, staring into her eyes for as long as he could. _Breathe_. He willed himself, _just _breathe—

"Ew, Hermie." Alison snapped, disgust evident in her voice. "Drool much?"

Lucas drifted back to reality to find Alison staring him down with her infamous raised eyebrow. Shit. Shit. _Shit_!

There was silence before students began to laugh, and Lucas could feel his face gathering heat. He scrubbed saliva off of his chin with the sleeve of his hoodie, and studied the laces of his sneakers. This just had to happen, right? In front of his precious Barbie-Shakira angel? Great. She probably thought he was some sick pervert.

_Just kill me now_... Lucas' eyes lifted slowly and wandered past the giggling figures of Aria, Emily, and Spencer before settling on Hanna. Hanna's face brightened in amusement, and she was biting her lip to suppress a laugh. A laugh that Lucas desperately wanted to hear, even if it was meant for him.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer. You know you want to." Alison teased with a smirk. "For your creeper collection."

The entire hall fell silent, and Lucas didn't dare to defend himself. Not against Alison. Being a part of the yearbook staff, everyone knew he carried around a camera, taking photos of typical Rosewood High scenes. But often, he would find it boring (How many pictures did the yearbook need of the cafeteria?), and he would secretly take pictures of Hanna. He had dozens—156 to be exact—of photos of the blonde eating lunch with her friends, walking in the hallways, standing at her locker, drinking from the water fountain, touching up her makeup, talking to teachers...but he made sure that it wasn't obvious that she was the target of his camera lens. And the masses of Hanna photos wasn't a "creeper collection"; they were more of a..._beauty appreciation_ collection.

Before Lucas knew it, Alison turned up her nose and walked past him, followed by the rest of the girls. As Hanna walked by, he fought the urge to reach out and touch her. He wanted her touch...needed to feel the warmth of her smooth skin. He didn't reach out to Hanna, only because he was surrounded by people and because of his lower-than-low popularity status, wanting someone as popular as Hanna was considered to be taboo.

_What's so important about popularity anyway? It's not going to matter ten years from now. I love Hanna too much to care. I'll never let her go._ Lucas discreetly sniffed at the air Hanna occupied mere seconds ago, trying to capture her scent. _Lavender_. He decided, sighing with content. A smile melted across his face, along with an ache in his heart; he missed Hanna already.

As students in the hallway came back to life and Lucas was sure he was invisible again, he quickly opened his locker and took out a ragged, old green journal. They were The Hanna Files, where he kept a record of every interaction he had with Hanna, no matter how small they were. Flipping through months' worth of stares, overheard conversations, and moments of passing Hanna in the hallways, Lucas stopped at the next blank page, recording the day's date and everything that just happened, down to the delicious lavender perfume Hanna was wearing—

"Lucas...Taking notes in the _hallway_ now?" A voice asked cheerfully, and Lucas shut his journal so fast that it nearly fell apart. He looked up to see Mona Vanderwaal with her trademark pigtails and glasses, hugging a book to her chest. She smiled at him expectantly.

"M-Mona...I'm just...just taking notes for...y-yearbook." Lucas tried to hide his embarrassment by clearing his throat and shoving the journal into his backpack.

"Right." Mona sounded suspicious, "I just saw Alison tear you apart like the bitch she is. You okay?"

"Never been better." Lucas muttered sarcastically, slamming his locker shut. He didn't see why Mona was acting like she cared, how she broke out of her shell just to talk to him. It wasn't like they were best friends or anything, but since they were both unpopular as hell, it made sense that they should stick together, right?

Lucas turned away from his locker, and Mona fell in step beside him, walking so close that their arms kept brushing against each other. _Go away, Mona. _Please_. _He knew the only reason why Mona was clinging to him like a dryer sheet on a pair of jeans was because she wanted to know something. She was incredibly nosy; if anyone knew all of the drama in Rosewood, it was probably her.

"So...Which one is it?" Mona asked sweetly.

Lucas frowned at her in confusion. "What?" He tried to walk faster in an attempt to get rid of Mona, afraid of the question he knew she would ask, but she kept up with him. Dammit.

"You know what I'm talking about." Mona gave Lucas a sly smile, "Which one in Alison's pack has you drooling like a football player on hamburger day?"

"I wasn't _drooling_," Lucas corrected, his face burning. Was it that obvious? He couldn't help it; he lost all control whenever Hanna was around.

Mona gave Lucas a look in disbelief, and then continued. "It's Aria, isn't it? She's short, but really pretty...even if she does look like someone out of an eighties movie." She looked up at Lucas again, who was quiet, judging his reaction.

_Don't react. Don't make it too obvious. Don't give her what she wants._ Lucas tried his best to focus on getting through the hallway. His crush on Hanna was his closely guarded secret, and he wasn't going to give Mona the satisfaction of running away with it.

"No? Okay...How about Emily?" Mona asked as if she were playing a game. "Emily's so tall. I wish I was tall. And strong. You like the athletic type, don't you, Lucas?"

Lucas hoped something would happen to interrupt Mona's musings. Anything. But life wasn't a movie, or a comic book, and he frantically searched for an escape. The restroom? No, knowing Mona, she'd be standing outside the door until he walked out and would continue to stalk him until she had her answer. And Mona was relentless. That was just putting it lightly.

"Spencer?" Mona asked. "What's not to like about Spencer? She has the brains, the wit, the beauty. Yeah...I can see you and Hastings together, geeking over politics or the Pythagorean Theorem..."

_Here it is. The Hanna question..._Lucas braced himself for the question that would literally destroy his life in Rosewood.

"Well, I know you don't like _Alison_...No one does. The only one left is...Hanna." Mona grinned, pausing to glance up at Lucas. "Spunky, carefree Hanna. What's that saying? 'Opposites attract'?"

Lucas' palms grew sweaty, and he turned away from Mona to fight the goofy grin that always attacked his face whenever someone mentioned Hanna.

"Come on, Lucas. You know want some Marin-lovin'." Mona chuckled, but to Lucas, it sounded like a devilish cackle. "You toss and turn in the middle of the night, fantasizing about Hanna to the point where it's unhealthy...You worship her in front of one of those stalker shrines you have hidden in the back of your bedroom closet...You even want to be her. Not physically, of course, but you want her personality for yourself. I mean, wouldn't it be easier to attract the love of your life if you were just like her? Your whole life revolves around her."

Damn. Mona described Lucas' obsession with Hanna to a T. _How...How does she know that?! _Lucas swallowed, trying to keep his cool. Did he give her some sort of clue? No, he couldn't have...He made sure not to give her any indication of his feelings...He was so careful...Either Mona knew something, or she was a genius when it came to observation. Hearing Mona put his life into words reminded Lucas how badly he sought after Hanna and made him feel ashamed at his weakness for her.

Mona suddenly laughed, and Lucas flinched at the sound. "I'm just kidding about the Hanna thing. Really! But I know you have a crush on one of Rosewood High's...'_queens_.' And I'm going to find out who it is, Mr. Gottesman, if it's the last thing I do." She eyed Lucas with malicious excitement. "Bye!"

With that, Mona left Lucas' side, humming with joy as she disappeared in the crowded school hallway. Lucas stood in the hall, dumbfounded, allowing others to shove him aside as they went to their classes. What was he going to do now that Mona was onto him? Hide his feelings for Hanna forever? No...Impossible. He was going to have to find a way to tell Hanna his feelings before Mona did. Somehow. Why did he have to be so shy around Hanna, anyway? And what if, once he told Hanna his feelings, she didn't feel the same way? What if she worried so much about popularity that she scared to even give him a chance?

_Hanna won't turn me away. She won't. I'll...I'll stop time if that ever happens. _Lucas shook off the stupid thought. He couldn't stop time, no one could. But he'd definitely stop Hanna from casting him aside when the time came. She left too much of an impression on him.

Lucas remembered how he first met Hanna: He had gone through his whole life being the invisible kid (unless he was being bullied), and he didn't expect that to change when he made it to high school. For his freshman and sophomore years, he went by without making friends or being noticed, except when Alison wanted to victimize him, or Mona when she wanted something. Junior year—his current year—began the same, except...He rounded a corner one day and bumped into the goddess named Hanna Marin; a cliché that Lucas thought happened in TV shows. He couldn't stop apologizing. He knew she was popular and hung out with Alison, so he expected her to scream at him for not watching where he was going. Instead, Hanna just smiled and told him:

_"It's fine. You can stop apologizing. Everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up for it. I'll see you around, okay?"_

Those words made Lucas fall for Hanna. Hard. She wasn't the typical popular girl, and that attracted him to her. She treated him with respect, made him feel human. He couldn't forget that. And although there wasn't another chance to talk to Hanna, Lucas learned that she was funny, caring, and even a bit insecure at times. Hanna Marin was complex, and Lucas was crazy and determined enough to make seeing such complexity unfold his lifetime goal.


	2. You'll Be Safe With Me, I Promise

_This chapter was inspired by the song "Safe and Sound" by Capital Cities._

* * *

"I'm going to need some hot girls at the awesome party I'm throwing tonight. My place. Midnight. Blacklights." Noel Khan smirked as he stood over the lunch table that Alison and the rest of the Rosewood High's queens occupied, "You in?" He was standing between Hanna and Aria, his hands resting on the backs of their chairs, mostly talking to Alison in front of him.

Hanna and the rest of the girls glanced over at Alison for approval immediately, eagerness in their eyes.

Lucas, who was sitting alone at table nearby, carefully assessed the Noel Khan scene; he squeezed the sandwich in his hands into a pulp before tossing it on the table with disgust. Hanna's face glowed and she was batting her eyelashes in anticipation of Alison's reply. He had never seen Hanna look so excited for something like that before...except for shopping. _Noel Khan and his stupid, trashy parties. Making Hanna smile like that. _He angrily wiped his hands with napkins. _Get away from her. She's all mine._

Alison, who was pretending not to notice the attention, took a sip of her water. She shrugged, making Lucas hold his breath. After what seemed like forever, Alison responded with an air of boredom: "Why not? It's not like we have anything better to do."

Emily, Aria, Spencer, and Hanna broke out into smiles, and it looked like they were trying to contain squeals of joy.

"Sweet!" Noel said casually, "Can't wait to see you guys." He had a suggestive grin on his face as he gave the table a little wave and then strolled away.

Lucas rolled his eyes. _Creepy Khan...you bastard. You think just because you have the face of a mannequin and _so _much money, you can get any girl you want—_

Squeals _erupted_ from Alison's table, and Lucas focused on the object of his affection.

"Oh. My. Gosh!" Aria screamed, "I can't believe we're actually going to _Noel Khan's _party! I have the perfect outfit—"

"But why are you going to wear it, Aria?" Hanna interrupted in a matter-of-fact tone, "No one's going to see it."

"Wait...What?" Spencer asked, while Aria and Alison frowned in confusion.

"Hanna—" Emily began worriedly.

"We're going to a blacklight party, remember? It's going to be completely dark! Like, why did we get invited to a party where we won't be able to see a thing?" Hanna snapped.

"...It's a _blacklight _party, Hanna. Not a _blackout_." Spencer corrected, "You know, the ones with the blue lights that make white and neon clothes all...glowy?"

Alison burst out laughing, and Hanna's face turned red.

Hanna looked at Spencer with a defensive look in her eyes. "O-Okay... Whatever, Spence." She turned to Aria. "If that's the case, then go crazy, Aria! Wear that outfit! Knock them deaf!"

Spencer sighed in annoyance. "I'm pretty sure the correct phrase is—"

"It's not worth it." Emily whispered, placing a hand on Spencer's arm. "Trust me."

Lucas chuckled, shaking his head. _You're so funny, Hanna. It's cute. _He began to imagine him and Hanna holding hands as they walked down the school hallway. Hanna was telling him something excitedly, her eyes flashing and her smile irresistible. Lucas was hanging onto Hanna's every word, laughing at the hilarity in which they were delivered. Then he and Hanna were resting in a grassy meadow, watching the clouds, and Hanna pointed out one that looked nothing like the Prada bag she claimed it was (it looked more like a rabbit, in Lucas' opinion). And then—

"Looks like I get to play matchmaker." Alison said finally, a smug smile on her face, "Everyone knows you can't go to Noel's parties without a date."

Lucas' face paled, and the rest of the girls at Alison's table looked stunned. He could hear his heart in his ears but forced it to quiet down so that he could hear what was being said. Who was Hanna going to take to the party? Was he going to be her date? _Don't be stupid. Hanna doesn't even know you exist. _

"Really?" Aria was the first to speak after what seemed like a decade's worth of silence, "I-I mean...I don't think I...Alison, you totally don't need to—"

"Hanna." Alison turned to the other blonde who was busy eating a sugar cookie, "Who should I pair you up with?" She wore the same sly grin that Noel was wearing only moments before.

Hanna blushed. "'Pair me up with'?" She asked with her mouth full, her eyes on the table. "I'm not ten, Alison. I can find my own guy."

Alison reached over and snatched the cookie out of Hanna's hand. She tossed it over her shoulder, hitting someone behind her. Hanna flinched. "You're sure as_ hell_ aren't going to find a guy eating _that_."

The other girls pretended not to notice what was going on between Hanna and Alison, too afraid to stand up against Rosewood's top girl.

Hanna looked as if she was going to cry, and Lucas wanted to run over to the table and shield her from Alison's wickedness. But he too was afraid of Alison. Dammit.

_You've found me, Hanna. I'm the guy for you. _Lucas thought, _I'd let you eat all the sugar cookies you want. I just want you safe from people like Alison. I hate to see you cry. _Hanna rarely cried, but when she did, it broke his heart; when Hanna thought she was all alone in the school hallways, or when she walked back home at the end of the day by herself, she would sniffle and wipe at her eyes. Lucas would always be there when she cursed herself for messing up her own makeup and furiously dabbed at her eyes as if she was ashamed of her feelings. He wanted to give Hanna his shoulder to cry on...offer her a tissue...anything. But he was too damn shy to do anything. Nothing as beautiful as Hanna deserved to be broken.

"I...I have to go." Hanna excused herself from the table, attracting the stares from her friends and Alison.

"You know I was kidding about the date thing." Alison called after Hanna as she disappeared into the crowd. "Can't even take a joke. You're so weak, Hanna."

_Now's my chance. Maybe I can cheer Hanna up. _Lucas jumped up from the table, threw out his trash, and practically ran after Hanna. His heart was beating and his jaw tightened as he pushed past people to find her. What would he say once he found her (if he could even find the courage to speak)?

_I could show you love? _No, too forward.

_You could be my luck? _Uh...

How about a simple "hey"? Yeah, that would do. _Hey. Are you okay? That's perfect._ Lucas nodded to himself in affirmation. _I'm just going to walk up to Hanna and ask her if she's okay. Then I'll go from there. Can't be too hard, right?_

Lucas finally saw the waves of blond hair that could only belong to Hanna Marin, and he wanted to turn away in fear. His knees were shaking; he was surprised that they haven't given out as he took cautious steps toward her. But as he did, he found out that something was wrong. Horribly wrong.

_No! _Lucas wanted to scream. It was if the world around him drained of color, of sound. _Shit!_ _Why? Why?! _He felt light-headed, felt sick to his stomach.

Hanna Marin was in the arms of Noel Khan.

Noel freaking Khan.

Lucas stood frozen in the hallway, watching as Noel pushed locks of Hanna's hair out of her face with one hand while the other gripped her waist. Khan was also whispering something in Hanna's ear. Hanna's body was relaxed against his, her head on his chest, tears falling freely from her beautiful eyes. _That was supposed to be _me _comforting Hanna! _I _was supposed to be the one to make her feel safe! _

_What now? _Lucas finally pulled himself away from the horrible scene. Now he was crying himself, wandering through Rosewood High with no particular destination. He had to get as far away from Noel as he could. Had to shake the image from his mind. _I'd be standing next to you, Hanna. If the sky was falling down. In a hurricane. In a tidal wave. You don't get how much I care._

Finding an empty stairwell, Lucas sat down on a step and cried. Cried and cried and cried. He didn't know what to do. Hanna was his only love, and there was _no way_ he could compete with Noel Khan. _Hanna...I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. I wanted to be there to keep you safe, but I...couldn't. I don't deserve you. _


End file.
